gwaunquest

Time?

2008-02-25T22:29:55Z

I spent the weekend in and out of corsets and trying to kill people in game and almost killing them out of game by tripping them up on my train. I love LARPing. It's the best thing I every started. I mix with loads of exceptionally intelligent and talented people who have amazing sense of the bizarre and comic. I witnessed four men on the fire escape of the Hotel. One was the GM who described to us that the man at the top was Allan Quatermain, in a stolen gyro-copter, trying to kill Queen Victoria because Freud had told him she was his mother and he must have sex with her. The other two scaled the steps of the fire escape as the GM described their hanging onto and climbing the ropes of a Zeppelin in order to stop him.
I just caught four people in costume racing up and down the lawn with sticks enacting a polo game.
I was part of a failed initiation of the resurection of a pharoh.
I died after being cornered in the bedroom of the french president by Sherlock Holmes (who I nearly killed) Mycroft Holmes and Irene Adler and Inspecter Lestrade.
I was shot twice, stabbed three times and strangled - whilst nearly killing Irene. As I had already been poisoned I only needed to have someone try to drown me to equal Rasputin.
AND I got to wear some glorious frockage.
I now wait for my next fix of fun and frolics.

bah humbug

2007-12-16T16:20:33Z

I went shopping in town today. The shops don't open until 11am on a Sunday. I can't do this Christmas shopping. I just see things I want to buy for myself. I gave up at 2pm - even though I had a break for lunch - and got a taxi home. (It's only a 20min walk!)
I could do this if A)There were no other people in the shops, B) I had someone to carry all the bags for me, and C) I was given cups of Lady Grey at regular intervals.
Yesterday was much nicer.
I spent an hour in a fabric shop and spent huge amounts of money on stuff for 1897. This included green silk brocade at less than half price and scrummy blue velvet at a third off AND a large peice of fur fabric which he let me have for a fiver. I also got really good cambric and cotton for underwear.Much more satisfying than endless queues at tills. I feel like canceling Christmas so I can start sewing now. In fact I probably will start sewing now.

away with the fairies

2007-10-22T21:01:19Z

I am no longer queen of Limbo. Finaly I've got my exit visa.
True I shall have no money for the next four weeks and I shall live off the remaininig balance of my credit cards but freedom always comes at a price.
I've rented a four bedroom terraced house in Cardiff, in a nice heart of town kind of place. Loads of local shops, ethnic mix, local pub - bit Eastenders but Welsh.It's not too expensive for the size, quality and position and if I become rich and famous then it won't be a problem. Best of all the landlord doesn't mind pets so full menagerie can live there too.
The downside is that I'm moving on Saturday and I haven't packed half my stuff yet. I wanted to be moved and at least have that out of the way before I take my test (seventh attempt) at the start of November, before Consequences and before the next hospital appointment for Ems.
Even this Superwoman can only manage so many things at one time.

life

2007-10-11T12:31:54Z

I'm sitting here waiting for a driving lesson. I forgot what time and can't be arsed to ring him and find out.
My life at the moment in no particular order. Arrange the peices and see if you could make any sense of it.
Consequences is in five weeks time. I've arranged to take all my children which necessitates my being able to drive. My next test is in Cardiff at the begining of November.
The sale of this house fell through. I came up with plan to sell my share of the equity to my ex's new lady on condition she sold to one of the instant (We'll buy your house for a reduced ammount but its a guaranteed sale) people. They agreed. Then she had a proper buyer and decided to go with that so reluctantly I agreed even though it would take weeks and might fall through. Then Em's had to go into hospital at short notice to have his VNS battery replaced (full anaesthetic ect.) at which time it was found to be faulty and had to be turned off. It will be several weeks before we know if it can be turned back on, if it's worth turning it on, what the alternatives are.
I went to look at rentals in Cardiff thinking it would be best to get the house moving out of the way before A)Test, B)Em's outcome, C) Consequences. Couldn't find anything suitable. Just as well. Came home to be told the sale on Ex's girlfriends house had fallen through.
I told them now it was Quicksale or the arrangement is off and I go for Quicksale myself but not share what's left with EX.
Bank statement on joint account yesterday confirmed that by the end of this month it will be into the red and not able to pay the next mortgage installment.
Conversation with my solicitor today and the Lady who wanted to buy several weeks ago is now in the position to do so again.
Too late I think.

Free will

2007-09-04T21:43:26Z

We all have free will.
Generally this means that we spend all our time making decisions.
Most are fairly trivial and so go practically unnoticed but even those can change the course of our lives.Yet we rarely agonise over the small stuff - well except for which chocolate bar to buy.
However I beleive that since its not possible to know what will be the outcome of the decisions we make we should be aware of at least an outline of what the decision could mean.
Roughly it boils down to this.
Decisions based on taking the easy way, the decisions that avoid difficult outcomes, only offer temporary solutions and generally create more problems than they solve.
Decisions based on facing up to difficult outcomes can lead to serious hardship in the short term but tend to solve the problem at the outset.
The bugger of it is, no matter how many decisions you make and problems you solve there will always be new ones.
It's a case of steering a path through without getting weeds caught in the propellor.
You have to try to remain in control. So when it comes to making a decision it is better to choose the outcome you can most confidently predict, even if you don't particularly like it, because that way you remain at least partially in control.

enough

2007-08-26T21:57:10Z

Who am I? What am I?
I think therefore I am - really?
I think too much. I have often thought that if I knew less and understood nothing I would be a lot happier.
Ignorance is bliss.
Although I've passed the stage of needing to make a comment on every subject that I know something about - no one listens anyway.
I talk to myself all the time. Well its the only way to get any intelligent conversation.I quite often shout at the TV.But I don't join in passing conversation or reply when asked, "Don't you think?". It's too tempting to say "Well obviously you don't or you wouldn't be spouting that pile of shit!"
People generally do not have minds trained to argue logically. Thinking is hard work. Just as running a marathon is relatively easy for someone who has trained for months and suicide for someone who hasn't, so working out the logical string of conclusions to an argument is too difficult for someone whose brain is not trained to do it. What most people have is an ordered set of pre conceived half formed ideas which are filed away until a question or an event sends a signal requireing an answer. The brain goes through the drawer and removes the idea which most closely matches.Then tells itself no more is required.
Do we live in Douglas Adams' Vogon homeworld? Does something spring up and slap us in the face if we have an idea and express it? We live in a time of instant access to comunication. A time where anyone can find the answer to just about anything. So why does no one bother to think? Why accept what you are told and swallow little capsules of answers to regurgitate on demand.More to the point why do people get so agressive when you question their assumptions? Suddenly its personal. An argument is an invasion of privacy not an arena for open debate.Its threatening behaviour not an attempt to understand the other point of view. Do I have an anecdotal point to this rant? No. There are too many instances to single any out. I'm tired of bollocks. Enough is enough.

In memorium

2007-08-24T21:51:10Z

This evening I went down to Pheonix Park. Thats the sportsfeild where Goodwick United play. It was the final of a special pre season cup. Teams played during the week and the final was between Goodwick United and StIshmaels.
My son used to play for Goodwick. He actually started playing for Fishguard. When he was five. He was in the junior team by six and the senior team by the time he was a teenager. He moved to Goodwick when he was about 16 I think. He was a very talented player. He played for the county team and many County and West Wales youth sides. He played alongside Mark Delaney (who later went on to play for Wales and most recently Aston Villa) as they grew up. He had trials for Welsh youth and for proffessional teams but never managed to hit the right form at the right time- nerves I supose. But he was a stalwart of the Goodwick team. His prowess was lauded in the local press every week. My mother always kept the cuttings.
He was a huge favourite with the players and the fans. A real star.
Thats why they were playing this game. The "John Bailey Memorial Cup" Thats why they asked me to present the trophy. They all miss him - almost as much as I do.

gwaunquest @ 2007-08-10T22:01:00

2007-08-10T21:07:29Z

I had only 9 minor faults on my driving test - right up to the point where I was distracted by the group of cyclists and hit the curb, causing me to panic and hit the accellorator, causing the examiner to sugest I reduce speed as this was a 30mph zone. Thoroughly rattled I went through a traffic light as it turned from amber to red and came carefuly to a stop in the middle of the junction.
"Why have we stopped here?" he asked.
"I have absolutely no idea." I replied quite truthfully.
Had it not been for these four minutes I would have passed my test.

still queen of limbo

2007-08-03T20:35:54Z

I was awake at 4 this morning with a really bad stomach and had many trips to the loo during the day - that was the underlying theme of the day.
Last night I found that the carefully laid plans for the week were also shit.
Ten years ago I gave up learning to drive because I had failed my test for the fifth time. This year I took it up again, because its now a necessity. I did a one week intensive course in Cardiff and was so shit it was suggested I put off the test planned for the end of that week. It was re arranged and the last I heard from the driving school was it had been arranged for Aug 8th. I arranged to stay with my daughter, who was coming down here for a festival weekend and we were going back together on the Monday. My son was spending the week with his dad, all sorted etc etc. Then I got a phone call at eight pm from the instructor in Cardiff, alarmed I hadn't got back to him because the test was on the Monday the sixth. I checked the appointment letter which I had only glanced at and put away - because of course I knew the date of the test - only it was the sixth and not the eigth.
Panic to get in touch with daughter and somehow arrange transfer of the keys - which also did not go to plan but I wont bore you with that, I do now have the keys. Hurried arrangement of lessons Sat and Sunday.Packing of cases sorting of house. All this fuss and panic so that I can fail it for a sixth time.
No one has been to look at my house since March. I have lowered the price and enlisted a second estate agent.

Where do we go from here

2007-04-04T22:07:27Z

One lady wants to buy the house. Unfortunately she hasn't even put hers on the market yet. One would think that would be the logical sequence.
I have looked at houses to rent, housing associations and council housing. I supose I must start filling in forms. I still don't feel as if anything is actually moving anywhere. The state of limbo wants me for its president.

fates elbow nudged

2007-03-16T17:22:09Z

Well it worked. I have a reply from planning. Its been refused which is poo but at least I'm out of limbo and can start making real plans

update

2007-03-15T10:14:51Z

I am still living in limbo and its not my ideal country of residence.
If only the council would give an answer on planning permission I could get things moving to get me moving. Six months since the request has been sitting in someones tray. However, in an attempt at backward logic I decided to get broadband. I put it off because I thought it would be less hassle to do it from wherever I moved to...so maybe now I've got it I will jog fates elbow and be able to move....

done me back in

2007-01-06T22:27:01Z

Ems went with his dad for the weekend last night. I had two nights to go party and I have been told I will be lonely so I really should but you know - I enjoy my own company. I made a meal, designed my dress for Allisons party, watched the Brothers Grim, talked on msn and had a couple of Tequilas. It is sooooo nice being totally able to please myself. I only have two nights and then Ems is back and I have to please him - not that he's that difficult to please but he does take constant attention.
Today I mended the bookcase and then sorted out the front room. It took all day. I had one break to go round to the garage and buy logs, chocolate and wine.I did my back in lifting a pile of books from the top of a shelf on the bookcase. When I finally cleared all up ( I can't belive I had so many bags of rubbish when it was cleared so recently) I had a long soak in a hot bath. Another lovely meal more wine and watched an old episode of Spooks. I did start watching Wide Sargasso Sea but its alll too intense.If I want mental illness in close up I'll visit any member of my family.
When I was growing up I was left on my own an awful lot. I learned to enjoy it.Then as I got older I had less and less time to myself. Always having to do for others, sort out their problems, share their space.Always it seemed,having to seek permission for what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go.Now I have my own space and although I still have to share it with my daughters and their appendages from time to time, its My space ( thats a bit of a play on words- this being LJ).I can my play music again without anyone wanting to watch TV or change the tune.

Need to know

2006-10-28T13:10:34Z

A recent reply on Davywavy's LJ put me in mind of a peice of paper I still have in my possession.
For about 9 years I worked for the MOD in an armament depot.
The Ministry Of Defence is run in accordance with a set of manuals. Thick tomes with hundreds of pages which must number in the hundreds by now.These cover the set proceedure for everything from ordering paper clips to deploying a nuclear missile.
Everyone in the service has a set of whichever manuals apply to their particular job. If you need to know how to pack a load of mines for decomisioning you look up the relevant section in the relevant manual. Only what usually happens is you get the relevant manual,
...."see Chapter 14 section D, appendix iii"...which tells you to
...."see MM16, Chapter 2, section A, appendix iv"...which tells you to
...."see MM7,Volume III, Chapter 20, section C, appendix v"...which tells you to
...."see Chapter 14 section D, appendix iii"...
Now complicated as this may seem it is made more complicated by "Ammendments". These occur at regular intervals because there are people employed to ensure they do. They are supposed to change regulations along with changes in law or to clarify points raised as an issue in some way. They can be whole chapters or a missing apostrophe.
One office I worked in was responsible for receiving copies of MM ammendments and distributing them to the people who held copies. As you can imagine this was in double figures for most MM.
One day a number of boxes of ammendments arrived.I think it was about four boxes each containing about six copies of the ammendment concerned. I opened the first box and read the first piece of paper. I read it again, took it out and read the other side, which was identical. I burst into laughter and couldn't stop for a very long time. It didn't help to find that every copy had the same first sheet.My coleagues in the office came to see what was so funny and before long the whole office was in uproar. To me that peice of paper came to symbolise the Civil Service and today I think typifies what we have come to call the "Nanny State".
On both sides, printed in bold capitals on the very center of the sheet was this sentance.
"THIS PIECE OF PAPER HAS BEEN LEFT BLANK INTENTIONALLY, PLEASE REMOVE AND DESTROY"

relationships

2006-09-29T09:42:57Z

There are women out there who treat their men very badly.(My second ex motherinlaw is a prime example). I've seen them over the years, young and old. They have affairs and are taken back. They have children which they abandon to the care of grandparents and their partners with a whole string of unsubstantiated excuses. They are obsesivley houseproud to the point that their families can't live in their homes. They demean their partners constantly in public. They spend every penny on themselves to the point of bancruptcy. They treat their partners like unpaid workmen expecting constant home improvements without ever lifting a finger to help. They moan and complain whenever their partner wants to do anything he might remotely enjoy.Some of them even ration sex or abandon it altogether. Yet these women are by and large idolised by their men.WHY? How do they do it?
I am the proud recipient of 2 decree absolutes now. My choice both times, but not happily. I put in 150%. I cook - to restaurant standard - clean, redecorate, garden, DIY, I have gutted and rebuilt two houses - mostly on my own - I have worked full time to keep us solvent,taken full chage of the household accounts,I have encouraged my partners to express themselves, enjoy life, expand their horizons but strangely I could never seem to get any man to do the one thing that matters. Share and be fair.All they ever seem to want is a mother they can f**k.
If anyone knows why men want women who give them as little as possible and simply take the likes of me for granted, please let me know.

gwaunquest @ 2006-06-23T15:30:00

2006-06-23T14:31:33Z

I thought these things were rubbish but this is spot on.

blimey

2006-06-23T14:29:25Z

Your Birthdate: February 7

You are an island. You don't need anyone else to make you happy.
And though you see yourself as a loner, people are drawn to you.
Deep and sensitive, you tend to impress others with your insights.
You also tend to be psychic - so listen to that inner voice!

Your strength: Your self sufficiency

Your weakness: You despise authority

Your power color: Maroon

Your power symbol: Hammer

Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

guilty

2006-06-21T17:37:53Z

Since davywavy poked his boney finger in my direction I decided perhaps I should make an entry. Not that I can see myself continuing on a regular basis.
I don't talk about me if I can help it but as the subject of Daves' monologue touched on when it is appropriate to do so, on this occasion I will.
In 2003 my eldest son was killed in a car crash, one week after his 26th birthday. He was a popular and much loved individual.He had played for the local football team since the age of 7 and his death deeply affected a lot of people.We got so many cards that I got to dread the post arriving. Each one I read and then put away in a box and haven't been able to look at since.This is a small community. Everyone knows everyone. Almost every card that arrived I knew the background of that family and with almost every one I could say "This person lost their son/daughter/mother/father" and many of them in far more tragic circumstances.Life can be cruel and hard but if you look around you and don't bury yourself in your own pit of misery, you will get some perspective and learn to cope.

soo oo oo long

2005-12-20T10:57:37Z

It's a very long time since I last wrote and too much has happenened in the continuing soap opera that is my life. I hope to have a word with the scriptwriters at some point. Today it is 5 days to Christmas. Ems finnished school early so I have to go out with him, in his chair, in the rain, in the crowds to buy presents I still haven't got, shopping I need post some cards ect... In the house we are on day three of the introduction of the 9month old kitten from the rescue center to the 2 year old spoilt perpetual baby cat. At least it's just hissing and spitting and running away and not fur blood and bones in all directions. I have made mince meat but no pies, made the cake but not iced it, I have got baskets of washing and baskets of ironing all over the conservatory. Ems kept me up till the early hours on several nights plus I've had three do's to attend up to Sunday so the tiredness is now reaching epic proportions.
The last year has seen me give up trying to get a job and send him indoors back outdoors to work.
Through the unbeliveable misery of another shocking family bereavement.
A wonderful four days in Transylvania. A visit to London to see Derren Brown. Winning of a 6day break in Los Angeles on a radio phone in programme. But altogether too much to bring this up to date. But I will try harder in future..

all things to all people

2005-01-27T12:27:10Z

I am applying for more and more jobs on line and my letter of intro is getting more ridiculous with each one.What boredom can do...

postpoorly

2005-01-26T11:16:55Z

Felt dreadful yesterday.Leftover bad tummy from Sunday but not due to the allium family. Got an inquirey from a consultancy about a GIS job in Suffolk. Not good pay though. I need to get my printer sorted so I can send some pics to Aardman and others. Will I ever get the kind of job I want?

tired

2005-01-24T20:54:59Z

Went to Bristol for EMs checkup. His implant is now at 2.5 every 3mins.Dr Sharples wants to re-do his tests to see if there are any other areas causing seisures, but I don't think I want him to have more surgery.We'll just have to see.

what to do...

2005-01-23T14:10:13Z

Yesterday I made bread, apricot loaf and biscuits in the rayburn.
Today I went to Archery and called on Veronica on the way back.
Still havn't got a job. I suspect I'm looking in the wrong places. I might try down the back of the settee..

too little time

2005-01-22T15:23:02Z

Well my intentions were good but I'm told the surfacing of the route to somewhere is done that way.
I can't write everyday because life gets in the way. I spent a whole week making tailcoat and waistcoat for him and evening dress for me for a Moulin Rouge party.Got intoxicated at the party and wasted the next day. This week tried to catch up on real jobs. Ah well.
Last night John Alex Stuart and I played a new version of Chronology which was hillarious. Got to do that again.

whooa!

2005-01-07T15:59:20Z

Just got back from a trip to Haverfordwest by 'bus.
The driver was a psycho! Not content with lecturing every student who got on about passes or how they sat on the 'bus, he;
continually pulled out or across junctions in front of other traffic, whom he then sounded the horn at,
Drove away from a junction whilst still lecturing a boy he'd called back to the front to have a second go at,
Drove across the zebra crossing at the college as someone tried to cross and spent another five minutes exchanging abuse with that person then drove on shouting "lets kick some ass!"
I got the same driver on the return trip.
He made the mistake of tooting at a driver in a narrow stretch of road who wasn't moving off quickly enough. The driver stopped at the next roundabout and her husband got out and boarded the 'bus telling this driver firmly, calmly and in no uncertain terms what would happen if he ever tried that again.At the next stop this driver called up a young girl student who was trying to use her pass to get home early and gave her a few minutes embarrassment to compensate for his embarrassment.
When it came time for me to get off he told me to sit in my seat until the 'bus stopped. I didn't and he said "It's for your own good so that you don't fall when the bus stops".
"It's OK" I said "I'm quite well balanced."
I don't think he understood what I was getting at.