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gwaunquest's Journal  I spent the weekend in and out of corsets and trying to kill people in game and almost killing them out of game by tripping them up on my train. I love LARPing. It's the best thing I every started. I mix with loads of exceptionally intelligent and talented people who have amazing sense of the bizarre and comic. I witnessed four men on the fire escape of the Hotel. One was the GM who described to us that the man at the top was Allan Quatermain, in a stolen gyro-copter, trying to kill Queen Victoria because Freud had told him she was his mother and he must have sex with her. The other two scaled the steps of the fire escape as the GM described their hanging onto and climbing the ropes of a Zeppelin in order to stop him. I just caught four people in costume racing up and down the lawn with sticks enacting a polo game. I was part of a failed initiation of the resurection of a pharoh. I died after being cornered in the bedroom of the french president by Sherlock Holmes (who I nearly killed) Mycroft Holmes and Irene Adler and Inspecter Lestrade. I was shot twice, stabbed three times and strangled - whilst nearly killing Irene. As I had already been poisoned I only needed to have someone try to drown me to equal Rasputin. AND I got to wear some glorious frockage. I now wait for my next fix of fun and frolics. Current mood:  accomplished.
I went shopping in town today. The shops don't open until 11am on a Sunday. I can't do this Christmas shopping. I just see things I want to buy for myself. I gave up at 2pm - even though I had a break for lunch - and got a taxi home. (It's only a 20min walk!) I could do this if A)There were no other people in the shops, B) I had someone to carry all the bags for me, and C) I was given cups of Lady Grey at regular intervals. Yesterday was much nicer. I spent an hour in a fabric shop and spent huge amounts of money on stuff for 1897. This included green silk brocade at less than half price and scrummy blue velvet at a third off AND a large peice of fur fabric which he let me have for a fiver. I also got really good cambric and cotton for underwear.Much more satisfying than endless queues at tills. I feel like canceling Christmas so I can start sewing now. In fact I probably will start sewing now. Current mood:  tired.
I am no longer queen of Limbo. Finaly I've got my exit visa. True I shall have no money for the next four weeks and I shall live off the remaininig balance of my credit cards but freedom always comes at a price. I've rented a four bedroom terraced house in Cardiff, in a nice heart of town kind of place. Loads of local shops, ethnic mix, local pub - bit Eastenders but Welsh.It's not too expensive for the size, quality and position and if I become rich and famous then it won't be a problem. Best of all the landlord doesn't mind pets so full menagerie can live there too. The downside is that I'm moving on Saturday and I haven't packed half my stuff yet. I wanted to be moved and at least have that out of the way before I take my test (seventh attempt) at the start of November, before Consequences and before the next hospital appointment for Ems. Even this Superwoman can only manage so many things at one time. Current mood:  hopeful.
I'm sitting here waiting for a driving lesson. I forgot what time and can't be arsed to ring him and find out. My life at the moment in no particular order. Arrange the peices and see if you could make any sense of it. Consequences is in five weeks time. I've arranged to take all my children which necessitates my being able to drive. My next test is in Cardiff at the begining of November. The sale of this house fell through. I came up with plan to sell my share of the equity to my ex's new lady on condition she sold to one of the instant (We'll buy your house for a reduced ammount but its a guaranteed sale) people. They agreed. Then she had a proper buyer and decided to go with that so reluctantly I agreed even though it would take weeks and might fall through. Then Em's had to go into hospital at short notice to have his VNS battery replaced (full anaesthetic ect.) at which time it was found to be faulty and had to be turned off. It will be several weeks before we know if it can be turned back on, if it's worth turning it on, what the alternatives are. I went to look at rentals in Cardiff thinking it would be best to get the house moving out of the way before A)Test, B)Em's outcome, C) Consequences. Couldn't find anything suitable. Just as well. Came home to be told the sale on Ex's girlfriends house had fallen through. I told them now it was Quicksale or the arrangement is off and I go for Quicksale myself but not share what's left with EX. Bank statement on joint account yesterday confirmed that by the end of this month it will be into the red and not able to pay the next mortgage installment. Conversation with my solicitor today and the Lady who wanted to buy several weeks ago is now in the position to do so again. Too late I think. We all have free will. Generally this means that we spend all our time making decisions. Most are fairly trivial and so go practically unnoticed but even those can change the course of our lives.Yet we rarely agonise over the small stuff - well except for which chocolate bar to buy. However I beleive that since its not possible to know what will be the outcome of the decisions we make we should be aware of at least an outline of what the decision could mean. Roughly it boils down to this. Decisions based on taking the easy way, the decisions that avoid difficult outcomes, only offer temporary solutions and generally create more problems than they solve. Decisions based on facing up to difficult outcomes can lead to serious hardship in the short term but tend to solve the problem at the outset. The bugger of it is, no matter how many decisions you make and problems you solve there will always be new ones. It's a case of steering a path through without getting weeds caught in the propellor. You have to try to remain in control. So when it comes to making a decision it is better to choose the outcome you can most confidently predict, even if you don't particularly like it, because that way you remain at least partially in control. Current mood:  contemplative.
Who am I? What am I? I think therefore I am - really? I think too much. I have often thought that if I knew less and understood nothing I would be a lot happier. Ignorance is bliss. Although I've passed the stage of needing to make a comment on every subject that I know something about - no one listens anyway. I talk to myself all the time. Well its the only way to get any intelligent conversation.I quite often shout at the TV.But I don't join in passing conversation or reply when asked, "Don't you think?". It's too tempting to say "Well obviously you don't or you wouldn't be spouting that pile of shit!" People generally do not have minds trained to argue logically. Thinking is hard work. Just as running a marathon is relatively easy for someone who has trained for months and suicide for someone who hasn't, so working out the logical string of conclusions to an argument is too difficult for someone whose brain is not trained to do it. What most people have is an ordered set of pre conceived half formed ideas which are filed away until a question or an event sends a signal requireing an answer. The brain goes through the drawer and removes the idea which most closely matches.Then tells itself no more is required. Do we live in Douglas Adams' Vogon homeworld? Does something spring up and slap us in the face if we have an idea and express it? We live in a time of instant access to comunication. A time where anyone can find the answer to just about anything. So why does no one bother to think? Why accept what you are told and swallow little capsules of answers to regurgitate on demand.More to the point why do people get so agressive when you question their assumptions? Suddenly its personal. An argument is an invasion of privacy not an arena for open debate.Its threatening behaviour not an attempt to understand the other point of view. Do I have an anecdotal point to this rant? No. There are too many instances to single any out. I'm tired of bollocks. Enough is enough. This evening I went down to Pheonix Park. Thats the sportsfeild where Goodwick United play. It was the final of a special pre season cup. Teams played during the week and the final was between Goodwick United and StIshmaels. My son used to play for Goodwick. He actually started playing for Fishguard. When he was five. He was in the junior team by six and the senior team by the time he was a teenager. He moved to Goodwick when he was about 16 I think. He was a very talented player. He played for the county team and many County and West Wales youth sides. He played alongside Mark Delaney (who later went on to play for Wales and most recently Aston Villa) as they grew up. He had trials for Welsh youth and for proffessional teams but never managed to hit the right form at the right time- nerves I supose. But he was a stalwart of the Goodwick team. His prowess was lauded in the local press every week. My mother always kept the cuttings. He was a huge favourite with the players and the fans. A real star. Thats why they were playing this game. The "John Bailey Memorial Cup" Thats why they asked me to present the trophy. They all miss him - almost as much as I do. Current mood: tired.
I had only 9 minor faults on my driving test - right up to the point where I was distracted by the group of cyclists and hit the curb, causing me to panic and hit the accellorator, causing the examiner to sugest I reduce speed as this was a 30mph zone. Thoroughly rattled I went through a traffic light as it turned from amber to red and came carefuly to a stop in the middle of the junction. "Why have we stopped here?" he asked. "I have absolutely no idea." I replied quite truthfully. Had it not been for these four minutes I would have passed my test. Current mood: optimistic.
I was awake at 4 this morning with a really bad stomach and had many trips to the loo during the day - that was the underlying theme of the day. Last night I found that the carefully laid plans for the week were also shit. Ten years ago I gave up learning to drive because I had failed my test for the fifth time. This year I took it up again, because its now a necessity. I did a one week intensive course in Cardiff and was so shit it was suggested I put off the test planned for the end of that week. It was re arranged and the last I heard from the driving school was it had been arranged for Aug 8th. I arranged to stay with my daughter, who was coming down here for a festival weekend and we were going back together on the Monday. My son was spending the week with his dad, all sorted etc etc. Then I got a phone call at eight pm from the instructor in Cardiff, alarmed I hadn't got back to him because the test was on the Monday the sixth. I checked the appointment letter which I had only glanced at and put away - because of course I knew the date of the test - only it was the sixth and not the eigth. Panic to get in touch with daughter and somehow arrange transfer of the keys - which also did not go to plan but I wont bore you with that, I do now have the keys. Hurried arrangement of lessons Sat and Sunday.Packing of cases sorting of house. All this fuss and panic so that I can fail it for a sixth time. No one has been to look at my house since March. I have lowered the price and enlisted a second estate agent. Current mood:  crappy.Current music: tom paxton -if I had a troubadour. One lady wants to buy the house. Unfortunately she hasn't even put hers on the market yet. One would think that would be the logical sequence. I have looked at houses to rent, housing associations and council housing. I supose I must start filling in forms. I still don't feel as if anything is actually moving anywhere. The state of limbo wants me for its president. Current mood:  drained.Current music: can't take my eyes off you. |
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